Penni’s Story
A couple of years ago, I decided it was all too much for me and took almost 100 pills. By all rights, it should have killed me. I was just too sad, but peaceful at that point. Three days later I woke up with my mom and best friend at my side. It took over a year for me to stop looking for a way out and see the way to live. I went to my first NF meeting.
I walked into the hotel and looked around to see people who looked like me. At that point I had only met a handful of people with NF, and more than half had died! I was no longer ALONE, but had a sense of belonging.
I was also asked to share my story at this meeting, and I’d have to say that it was the best therapy ever!
I talked about being diagnosed with NF at age 8 and the doctors who told my mom to watch the Elephant Man and that she should give me up to the state. She moved us from Florida, USA to Ontario, Canada so I could receive the medical care I needed. (Mom was born in Canada, so it’s home for her.) I talked about the fear I live with because of my NF, and that I’ve had more than 30 surgeries. The stuff that comes with NF… Like having a learning disability…
Then I told my story… When I was in grade 9 one teacher told me I was too stupid to graduate grade 12 and I HAD to take all Basic Level Classes. I did this for the first semester, then told him I wanted to take General Level and he told me “NO! You can’t do it.” I argued with him and then made an agreement to do it on a trial basis. He still told me I was too stupid and said “YOU CAN’T DO IT.” I said “Yea? Watch Me!”
Not only did I graduate from High School, and Grade 13, but I also did so with Honors Awards, Excellence in Education Awards, Achievers Awards, Performance Awards, plus many more.
I went to college and Graduated with Distinction in two programs, and received the Presidents List for my CYW Diploma! Not so bad for someone so stupid, Eh?
I could not believe how my story affected others. All weekend people were telling me, they never knew anyone else was treated like that. They had teachers telling them the same thing or other people telling them they “CAN’T”, and they knew they “CAN & COULD”...
I had given up on me, despite that my high school nightmare turned into SUCCESS. I gave up on me. I was in so much pain, and so lonely that I was allowing NF to take my life, and who I am. I let NF become me, who I was. NF… Not me.
That summer I started to hoop dance. All hoop dancers place a blanket down to collect money, to help with supplies and get from pow-wow to pow-wow. I wanted to do something more, so asked my mom to take a few pictures of me in a bikini to show what NF can do. I wanted to educate people about NF. I used the pictures that summer along with talking about NF, and before I danced and placed my blanket down. I know I learned more about my NF than I taught others.
One day I got a glimpse of my spirit, and saw it’s not NF, I’m not NF. I’m Penni, I’m so much more than NF.
For so long I believed I was NF. Not consciously, but subconscious. I hated looking in the mirror every morning, and seeing all the tumors, and that’s all I saw. I didn’t look past that, I didn’t see me how others saw me.
But now I saw what others have been telling me for so long. It’s amazing, a huge weight was lifted off of me.
NF has taught me so much, and I now want to share that with others…
Despite my NF, I graduated high school
Despite my NF, I graduated college
Despite my NF, I lived
Despite my NF, I saw me, see me, for who I am.
Despite my NF, I succeeded
Despite my NF, my life is mine and is what I make it.
For all of us here today, Despite NF, or whatever;
the sky’s the limit
Seeing, that I now know the sky’s the limit from here.
By Penni Kernot
